20 September Back from the grave

Another day, another blog post. Time for reminasences, time for remorse. Remorse that I didn't spend more time with Olga when we were both well. Missed opportunities. Not enough gardening together, not enough walking together and other small things we could do but didn't value too much when they were available.  Brain tumor was an excuse not spend time together. At least now it is time to tell about my feelings what I usually avoided doing before or just was ambarassed to show real myself. Now I worry only about not saying often enough to Olga how much I love her and eventually I hope I deserve her.

4 September - Return from London

Just returned from a very nice break in London. Considering that at one point I felt so poorly that I doubted whether I would be able to go, The trip went without problems. The dexomethasone steroids made me feel a lot better. My balance improved but only by a little. We took advantage of disabled facilities to borrow a wheelchair in most of the places we visited. I was a bit reluctant to do this at first as I was aware that none of the people I know of who began using a wheelchair are still here today, but it did make things easier.

At the Victoria and Albert Museum

Whilst we were away we received an appointment at the hospital for a scan tomorrow afternoon (Thursday.). This is for a CT scan not the MRI scan we were expecting.Ours is no to reason why. As long as it shows what it needs to.

15 February - Rubber legs

Nothing in how I feel has changed since 4 February, hence no posts. For the record, I'm not experiencing the kind of debilitating dehydrating diarrhoea you get with a stomach upset. Just that things are not back to normal in that area. It's something to mention to the doctor when I next see him at the end of next week.

I'm still walking on rubber legs, too, which seems to be a universal complaint of everyone who has had radiotherapy to the brain. It's a bit worrying. My positive outlook has largely been based on the belief that my present condition is only temporary and that once the treatment is over things can only get better. Olga and I hoped to be able to get away for some trips abroad once my immune system recovers from the chemotherapy but I'd need to be fitter than I feel right now to manage it. When one reads of people whose mobility after radiotherapy slowly deteriorates until they are forced to use a wheelchair it's a bit disheartening.

15 January - Life goes on

Life goes on. I'm not feeling too bad at the moment. Not as fit or alert as I was before the tumour. But fit and alert enough to get frustrated and annoyed when I want to do something and find it much more difficult or even impossible. Then I have to go and read the stories of some other people who have glioblastoma to remind myself that I've been relatively lucky not to have had worse symptoms of the tumour or side effects of the treatments.

I've added a Useful Links panel to the blog. This is to help new readers find information related to the use of clomipramine to treat brain tumours and one or two other useful web sites.

12 July - Motorola Milestone

Sleeping a bit better now. Still feeling light-headed and weak and wobbly on my feet. Fitness seems to have hit a plateau. People with experience tell me it's amazing that I am walking about as well as I am only two weeks after being discharged from the hospital, but I am frustrated that I am not noticing daily improvements. But it's good to amaze people. Hope I can keep it up.

My new Motorola Milestone 2 smartphone came on Monday so I have been busy playing with it and trying to get it set up the way I want. There's nothing like a few geek toys to keep the mind occupied and off darker thoughts.  It really is a super gadget and does everything I want. I'm even posting this on it. The screen is easier on my eyes than the PC screen is. But I can't figure out how to position the cursor in this Blogger text entry box in order to edit what I have typed.

9 July - Margery and a concert

On Friday evening one of our wonderful neighbours, Margery, a lady of 87 who looks 30 years younger, has survived about 3 life threatening illnesses and is still full of optimism and life, invited Olga and myself for supper. It was a big help for Olga who is very tired.

Whilst we were there Margery mentioned that she and a friend were going to a piano recital at the Rosehill Theatre near Whitehaven the following night. I wondered whether there would still be tickets and a few minutes later two tickets had been reserved and arrangements made for Olga and I to go with Margery and her friend to the concert.

I was tired after the supper so we decided to take it easy on Saturday and conserve my energy for the concert. Although it is not very far away we had never been to the Rosehill Theatre before. It is a charming, very small theatre set up on a hill behind Whitehaven and was apparently established in the 1950s to provide some cultural life for the top scientists and intellectuals who were employed at Windscale, Britain's first atomic plant, who would otherwise have been difficult to persuade to come to such an isolated spot. We met one of them, now 87 and walking on sticks, who told us that he "came for 5 years and ended up staying for 50." We had a short conversation - he asked Olga about Chernobyl and wished me luck with my treatment.

We enjoyed the concert very much, and it was a real treat and a morale booster to get out of the house and engage in normal life for a bit.