22 December - Looking forward to Christmas

Looking forward to Christmas. Not that life isn't like one long holiday now. :) But tomorrow afternoon we have an appointment with the consultant in Carlisle, just to remind me that it isn't one. I'm not expecting to learn anything new. There isn't time for me to have an MRI scan while I'm there. It's just for a blood count to confirm that I'm OK to start the third cycle of chemotherapy. And to collect the tablets, which hopefully the hospital pharmacy will have in stock this time!

I'm feeling slightly better each day. I'm certainly up for Christmas dinner now! But my brain is still running slow. And I wish I could get rid of the unsteadiness on my feet, for which reason I have never, in all the time since I came out of hospital at the end of June, gone anywhere without Olga by my side to take my hand if I feel I'm going to fall.

I have a problem with stairs. I even have a bit of a problem with the stairs at home. Fortunately at home there is a bannister I can grip when descending so if I stumble I don't fall. But faced with even just a couple of steps down and nothing to hang on to, like the steps to the street from one of the older shops in town, and I'm in big trouble. I wonder if I'll ever again climb one of the Lakeland fells. It's not a matter of not having the strength to climb, it's getting vertigo when I have to descend.

The other annoying problem I have is that whenever I do go for a walk by the end I'm sweating profusely. By the time I'm home I've soaked through two layers of clothing. I have to lie down and relax for 15 or 20 minutes until I have stopped sweating, then have a shower and a change of clothes. It's a bind, and makes me reluctant to go out, though I need the exercise and do feel better after it.

I've put on about 5 kilos since all this started. I used to be 88kg (though trying to get down to 85) but now I'm up to 93kg. But it's Christmas and I'm off the chemo for a few more days so to hell with it, I'll eat drink and be merry. Tomorrow I'll diet.