25 November - Feeling depressed

I'm feeling a bit low at the moment. It isn't just the obvious - that I have an incurable brain tumour and all the implications of that. I think I've got used to that by now. It isn't just that I realize I'll never be considered well enough to get my drivers' licence back: I think I've got used to that now. But I seem to be getting to a stage like I was at a year ago when I was beset with a number of relatively minor ailments (relative to a brain tumour that is) so that life seems to be a succession of hospital visits and surgery  appointments.

It isn't just the jumbled vision or my poor balance which makes me avoid walking as much as possible, so that my legs are starting to stiffen up through lack of use. It isn't just the sclerosis of the brain that makes me incapable now on concentrating on the kind of technical acrivities with which I used to amuse myself. Though I do feel frustrated about that.
My latest health issue is that I seem to have developed an abscess below one of my lower back teeth. Unfortunately the dental clinic Olga and I are both registered with is 25 miles away and inaccessible to us now that we no longer have the use of a car. At the moment I can't even walk as far as the nearest bus stop! So Olga spent the morning on the phone trying to find a dentist an affordable taxi ride from here.

At least she was successful and I have an appointment tomorrow.

Soon I have another hospital visit for an MRI scan of my abdomen to look at the poosible cyst on my kidney that they found while looking at my gall bladder. I haven't forgotten yet that a "possible cyst" on my brain is what turned out to be a brain tumour. So I do feel a bit anxious about that. A brain tumour on its own I can deal with but these other health issues are wearing my sense of optimism down a bit.

13 November - A physiotherapist calls

The physiotherapist visited this afternoon: a nice young lady called Debbie. After assessing me she has left us with a couple of easy exercises which she hopes will improve my balance - and my walking. Because of my vision problem I am instinctively wlking with a stoop in order to see where my feet are going. This very quickly results in back pain. So I hope this can be cured. It would ber nice to get my vision back yo mormal too, though I am not optimistic.  Typing requires extra care to avoid mistakes, which is annoying.

One of Debbie's colleagues will visit us at home because of my difficulty accessing public transport. I can't help heep on being impressed at the service provided by our National Health Service.

7 November - A referral

Received a letter today informing me that I have been referred to a neurological physiotherapist for assessment. I have no idea what a neurological physiotherapist does or why I might need one. Google suggests it is something a stroke victim might need to regain the use of some function. Arms and legs all working here. I wish my brain was, but you can't have everything.

No doubt all will become clear once I get to meet them.

3 November - Brainless

It has been a few weeks since the operation to remove my brain tumour and I'm wondering whether the surgeons threw away the wrong part! Trying to make what should have been a simple modification to a program listing, my brain could not figure out what to do at all. Added to the difficulties caused by my patchy vision and I had to give it up as a bad job. It's very frustrating. I've always tinkered about with programming to make things work the way I want them to, and having to settle for the status quo is hard.

My vision is just about adequate for normal purposes - I just spotted a sparrowhawk in thr hedge at the end of the garden so it's not that bad.. But a tendency to double vision and overlaying one line of text to another makes typing and proof reading text difficult. Please excuse typos and spelling errors - I just don't spot them any more.