I hope that clomipramine is more effective against cancer than it is as an antidepressant. Because I have been on the full 150mg dose for several weeks now and yet I'm feeling quite depressed. The dizziness / balance issue I have complained of doesn't help my mood as it thwarts any attempt to try to lead a normal life. Neither does it help that I decided to see if I could sell our website business in order to devote my time and strength to fighting the cancer and enjoying what's left of my life. As tasks go it is right down there with selling one of your children into slavery and planning your own funeral. Perhaps it would be better just to let the business die a natural death.
On Friday afternoon we had two appointments at the Radiotherapy Department in Carlisle, first to be given a blood test and then to see the consultant. Originally the appointments had been on separate days but the hospital phoned to rearrange it so we only had to make one round trip. My blood counts were fine, so there was no impediment to starting the second cycle of heavy chemotherapy. However the radiotherapy should not be causing any side effects this long after it finished. It might be the clomipramine instead. So I am to have a new MRI scan to see what might be going on.
Unfortunately the plan to start the second cycle of chemo this weekend failed because when Olga went to the hospital pharmacy to get the medication they did not have sufficient temozolomide tablets. Apparently I am the only person in North Cumbria to be receiving this particular medication. You would think that with all the managers employed in the NHS someone would have devised a system that ensured the hospital pharmacy had stock of the drugs needed by current patients. Obviously not.
We have just had a phone call to say that the hospital will send us the remaining tablets by taxi on Tuesday afternoon. With the ones that we have we can start the cycle tomorrow (Sunday.) This delay will at least mean that I won't be starting cycle 3 on Christmas Day.
Julian,
ReplyDeleteI have only today discovered your website and blog. I was going to ask a technical question having been out of radio for far too many years. Having read your blog, perhaps I won't!
Some years ago I developed a form of leucaemia and went through some very grizzly, very trying days indeed but it worked out in the end.
In a way, I wish I could have them back again as I have just had a recent diagnosis of Alzheimers confirmed! Watching myself going loopy appeals much less than having dodgy bone innards. The real killer you know is the depression, not the lump, but the sapping of your soul by depression and terror (plus being irked by faceless beaurocrats). Get as much help as you can. Keep your blog going.
Stick with it, don't let it win on it's terms. My consultant had a phrase that has stayed with me for 10 years now ... "Sodom for Gomorrah we may die". Just so!
All the very best, David
Selling the business must be very hard for you both. All the best for the new MRI scan and the next cycle of treatment. You would not be human if you weren't worried and depressed with everything happening right now, but I hope this lifts a bit as you continue to fight and win each stage of the battle.
ReplyDeleteJulian,
ReplyDeleteNot to preach in regards anti depressants .. been on them myself.
It's a vicious cycle because you do not feel like doing the things that are beneficial. Not sure how restrictive the cancer is in your day to day activities but for depression daily exercise helps immensely as do certain foods including some chocolate ... in relation to depression I am a firm believer that natural methods are best (though medication maybe required in the short term) ... Wish you all the best and hope you win the war !!
Julian
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing man who inspires other people, and you certainly are going to fight this. The body reacts in different ways, what maybe good for one person may not be good for the other. There are not set rules that I see. I log in everyday to your blog just to see you are ok, its really good to see a new post by you. So much I need to ask you about Ham Radio, but for now let's win this battle together........
Just for clarification: I began taking clomipramine because of its claimed anti-cancer properties. I was not depressed when I started taking it. Clomipramine is my extra weapon that I hope will give me a better chance of beating the brain tumour.
ReplyDeleteJulian,
ReplyDeleteDifferent people react differently to various anti-depressants. Indeed, some can make one feel more depressed, which may be happening in your case, but of course, you are not taking it for the AD effects, so perhaps you have to live with it. Many people find that large doses of Omega-3 fish oil (e.g. from wild salmon) help a great deal with their depression, about 6-9 grams/day. Taking the tablets frozen reduces the "fishy burps" :)
I was taking Omega-3 fish oil, Casey, in fact we have a huge jar of capsules. But a few weeks ago I read that some Dutch researchers had discovered that fish oil may inhibit chemotherapy drugs and make them less effective and recommended that people on chemo stopped taking it as a precaution until further research was done, so I did.
ReplyDelete