26 November - Feeling depressed

I hope that clomipramine is more effective against cancer than it is as an antidepressant. Because I have been on the full 150mg dose for several weeks now and yet I'm feeling quite depressed. The dizziness / balance issue I have complained of doesn't help my mood as it thwarts any attempt to try to lead a normal life. Neither does it help that I decided to see if I could sell our website business in order to devote my time and strength to fighting the cancer and enjoying what's left of my life. As tasks go it is right down there with selling one of your children into slavery and planning your own funeral. Perhaps it would be better just to let the business die a natural death.

On Friday afternoon we had two appointments at the Radiotherapy Department in Carlisle, first to be given a blood test and then to see the consultant. Originally the appointments had been on separate days but the hospital phoned to rearrange it so we only had to make one round trip. My blood counts were fine, so there was no impediment to starting the second cycle of heavy chemotherapy. However the radiotherapy should not be causing any side effects this long after it finished. It might be the clomipramine instead. So I am to have a new MRI scan to see what might be going on.

Unfortunately the plan to start the second cycle of chemo this weekend failed because when Olga went to the hospital pharmacy to get the medication they did not have sufficient temozolomide tablets. Apparently I am the only person in North Cumbria to be receiving this particular medication. You would think that with all the managers employed in the NHS someone would have devised a system that ensured the hospital pharmacy had stock of the drugs needed by current patients. Obviously not.

We have just had a phone call to say that the hospital will send us the remaining tablets by taxi on Tuesday afternoon. With the ones that we have we can start the cycle tomorrow (Sunday.) This delay will at least mean that I won't be starting cycle 3 on Christmas Day.